Pray Naked, by Scipio

Early in my life I had prayed many prayers.  What was remarkable is outwardly I was an atheist, but in the secret place of my heart I prayed.  Unfortunately, all my prayers were the same, they were conditional prayers with qualifications. The topics of my prayers changed, but I was really praying the same prayer over and over again.  They were things like, “God if I don’t get killed on this patrol, then I will believe in you.” “God if my girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then I will believe in you.” “God if I pass this certification, then I will believe in you.” “God, if I can buy a GTO, then I will believe in you.” “God, if get this really cool job, then I will believe in you.”

I pulled God out of my spiritual tool box every time I was in a crisis, and threw him back when a particular storm in my life blew over.  Everybody has issues and problems, don’t they?  I did but I thought I was OK. But I wasn’t alright inside.

Years before I had attempted suicide, but I rebuilt my life and was completely satisfied with the new “me” I created.  Life was good. One day my whole world came crashing down.  Everything I had worked for years and built my life around was gone.  I wrote my second suicide note, placed it on my desk in my apartment at college.  Knowing I needed to get away from everything, I drove twelve hours straight to see my big sister (my only confidant) in Ocala, Florida. I had a Damascus Road experience there and did a 180 in my relationship with God. I prayed naked for the first time.

By praying naked, I don’t mean taking off my clothes. I mean just laying my soul open without trying to cover up anything.  For the first time I bared my soul before God without conditions.  I prayed the first prayer I had ever prayed that wasn’t a “If-Then” prayer with reservations. Honesty was something I always avoided if it pertained to me. I was humbled to confess to myself and to God that I had messed everything up and neither God or anyone else was to blame. I was embarrassed to pour my true feelings out to God. I may have blushed. It was a short prayer. I told him how bad I had messed up my life. I told him I realized I was incapable of running my life, so I said, “Here’s my life, take it.”

I stood naked in prayer before God.  There was no pretense at that moment. I opened my deepest thoughts and feelings that I would have never told anyone, even myself.  I didn’t try to form a well-constructed prayer.  I didn’t care that I was speaking in incomplete sentences. All I wanted was to get rid of this emptiness deep inside me that I suddenly realized I had. I exposed everything, all my secrets, I didn’t keep anything back, made no excuses.  I felt as if light was passing through me, exposing me as an empty shell, totally naked, totally redeemed, totally empty of my past, totally free.

When I returned to college, I joined a Christian fellowship group.  The meeting was opened with one of the students called upon to pray.  I knew him, rather knew of him.  He was the left tackle on our football team, and he was big. As he started to pray, he was so honest and open with God I was embarrassed to listen to him pray.  He prayed as if no one was in that room except him and God. I felt I had suddenly walked into someone’s room while they were praying and they did not know I was there.  I was hearing him confess his weaknesses, speaking tender things, powerful things, adoring things coming out of this giant.  I recognized he was praying naked.

Over the years I have struggled to pray naked.  It’s hard to do.  It’s not a one and done thing.  It’s easy to fall into the repetitious or mindless prayers we so often pray.  Sometimes when I catch myself praying an “If-Then” conditional prayer, I immediately reverse myself and pray naked.  I have also discovered that to pray naked, you have to be desperate. I was desperate that day in Ocala, Florida. I daily face an adversary that goes around looking for those he can devour.  I had been mauled before, and that makes me desperate.  God has called me to a new life and I am desperate to enter in to it. I see the finish line coming up, and I am desperate to finish strong.

Praying is difficult.  Praying naked is even harder.  To help myself stay on track in my daily prayers I have written a personal desperate prayer about things I want to pray about.  Sometimes I pray just a portion of it and like a child just learning how to ride a bike, I throw off the training wheels of my written desperate prayer and soar on without it.

Below I have attached that prayer.  It’s deeply personal, but nothing is more personal than praying naked. We are naked before God’s eyes anyway, so throw away any pretense otherwise.

SCIPIO’s DESPERATE PRAYER

(Original around 2006, Updated April 5, 2013, & July 8, 2019)

(Inspiration for my prayer and many of its words are directly or indirectly from writings or sermons by Andrew Murray, A.B. Simpson, St Patrick, Anita Correne Donahue, Saint Francis of Assisi, John Wesley, J. Mark Copeland, Lagarde Smith, Brother Lawrence, E.M Bounds, Smith Wigglesworth, Madam Guyon, Watchman Nee, Brennan Manning, my dad’s prayers and a heavy influence by Tommy Tenney)

Desperation and Hunger

Jesus! Son of David! Have Mercy on Me! (Mark 10:46-52)

I am desperate.  I am weak.  I need you with all my being.

God I am desperately hungry for you.

You are my only hope and my salvation.

With all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength I seek you.

I seek you while I still have my being.

I unconditionally surrender myself to you.

Please God open the heavens and hear my cry.

Brokenness and Emptiness

I offer myself on this alter of my will as a living sacrifice.

May it be pleasing to you.

I offer my broken heart and broken dreams

With all my broken relationships of the past

And the countless broken promises made to me.

I lay my brokenness before you now.

All I can offer you is my emptiness

Now please, fill me up with yourself.

Your Presence

Because you are always on the move

My heart leaps at every rumor of your coming

And each possibility you will manifest your presence.

The divine discontent in my soul is unbearable

And my hunger for you is a consuming fire.

Let me enter into the fire, the light,

And rushing sounds of your presence.

Lord let me rest in your presence,

Behold your beauty and inquire of you. (Psa. 27:4)

Father, I thank you for the gift of life

But I thank you even more

For the gift of your presence.

(Pause – Wait on God)

Show Me, Help Me

Lord, show me your ways.

Show me your face.

Above all, help me grow in faith.

Fill me with your grace and mercy.

Keep me childlike and tender before you.

Forgive Me

Father, forgive me for so rarely visiting you.

Forgive me for failing to seek you in my good times

And only running to you in bad times.

Forgive me for my lack of prayerfulness and presumption

In days gone by.

Forgive me for the times I have blindly sacrificed

Time with you on the alter

of my hurried schedule, or my order of things, or activities,

or my temporary human need for things.

Forgive me for when I merely mouth words but my mind

Has wandered away.

Father forgive me when in a given moment

I can treat you as if you are not really important to me.

Forgive me when I see shades and degrees of sin

Rather than the unvarnished evil that sin is.

Father forgive me for the times I have been reluctant

To display passion for you

Because the truth is I am desperate for you.

(Pause – Wait on God)

I Am Weak and Tired

I confess I am weak, disabled, ineffective, impatient,

And lost without you.

You are my hope, my joy, and my heart’s desire.

I am tired, discouraged, confused, and

Over my head in troubled waters.

Lord, I am always in a crisis apart from your presence.

So, keep me desperately hungry and passionate for you and

Lead me not into the temptation

Of satisfaction and dullness of heart.

May I find satisfaction only in the light of your presence.

Your Purpose

I don’t know how to be who you have called me to be.

Bring your purposes to full term in my life.

May I not live in this continued state of pregnancy,

But may I birth what you have planted in me.

Fill me with more and more of your presence

And anoint me to transport more and more

Of your light to those in darkness.

Like jasmine, lavender, and gardenia

May I spread everywhere the aroma of Christ

To those being saved and those perishing. (II Cor 2:14-15)

(Pause – Wait on God)

I Am A Fake

I drop every façade of pretense I try to hide behind.

I am a fake and I hide behind walls I have constructed

To protect myself.

I am a coward in so many ways when I don’t confront evil.

I am such a big phony!

Change me, expand my heart and my mind

To accommodate new frontiers of faith and boldness.

Then I can do my part in your Kingdom.

May your presence flood over every artificial barrier,

Container, or wall I have constructed in my life

Either by design or accident.

Break me out of my presumptions, overturn my

Religious convictions, and reveal your glory

To my hungry heart.

Deliver Me From Myself

Lord, forgive me of my arrogant dismissal of people

Or things I am not interested in.

I forget it is about you and not about me.

Lord, forgive me for setting my sights on the things

That are low instead of the majesty of your Kingdom.

Forgive me for all the ways I’ve rejected you

By choosing to cling to my own strengths and abilities.

Forgive me for being so smug in my illusionary

Self-confidence.

In your mercy, deliver me from the snare of satisfaction

And the sin of complacency.

May my routines not supplant your presence.

I surrender my will, my agenda, my plans, and

Even my failures to you.

I Am Pathetic

Jesus, I am weak.

Father, I am pitiful.

I am running out of words.

Holy Spirit, help me with words that will not form

On my lips or come out of my heart. (Rom 8:26-27)

Have mercy on me.

Please, I humbly beg you, HELP ME!