Kurt Schlichter: My 2023 Predictions

Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter

Ah, the annual predictions piece, the conservative scribbler’s best friend and perennial go-to column, the easiest topic outside fake Indians, perverted presidents, and the gnarly predilections of creepy Never Trump weirdos.

First, let me review how crappy I did last year in a Stream of Kurtiousness video listing my predictions. I thought the Dems would run away from COVID insanity. They kind of walked away, but a lot of sissy Dems are still yearning for public health serfdom. I was sort of right.

I recommended that we make it harder for stupid people to vote. That did not happen. In 2022, stupid people voted in droves.

I predicted that Putin would take Ukraine, and he did take a bunch of it. But the Ukrainians took some back. I predicted Xi would take Taiwan, and he hasn’t for reasons I cannot fathom. The communist scumbag has a golden opportunity, and he’s letting it go. Well, I give him credit for his evil and renew my prediction below.

I predicted that President Gumby might leave office in 2022. He did not. I predicted that the midterm would be “an abortion.” Nailed it. Sadly, I also predicted that we would have a red tsunami, and that we would win the Senate, so there we go.

I predicted the border would “sort of close up.” Oops.

Adios 2022, you garbage year of sucking. Welcome 2023, which will also probably be a garbage year of sucking.

I think that Xi will take Taiwan, mostly because I cannot imagine him passing on the strategic synergy of failure that is Joe Biden + a woke, losing military + his own need to draw attention away from the myriad failures of communism.

I expect Ukraine to bog down into a slugging match. Even if the Russians generate the combat power to re-take the initiative in the spring, they are not going to overrun the whole country. The Ukrainian elite is trash, but the people are tough and drunk and will never quit. Look for a break-up of the blank check coalition in Congress, though. I think the American people are sick of it and it is bubbling up to Capitol Hill. Ukraine will still get money, but there will be real push-back.

There will be a terrible recession which the regime media will label a recovery. Your retirement will crater and your property values will sink. Unemployment will rise. All this will be blamed on you pointing it out.

The border will not close. Millions of illegal aliens/future Democrats will flood in. Again, the real problem will be identified as you complaining about it.

In popular culture, I predict that you will recognize maybe two of the ten Best Picture nominees and that you will not have seen any of them. I predict that Hollywood will depress summer blockbuster audiences with the new Indiana Jones movie starring an elderly, CGI-enyouthened Harrison Ford, Raiders of the Broken Hip. And Cardi B, the chanteuse behind that recent hit about erotic moistness, will have the biggest hit of the year with an autotuned opus about the sin of Onan.

In sports, I just don’t care.

Let’s talk politicians and presidents. The Republican Party will reject the insanity of re-electing 0-5 election loser Ronna McDaniel as GOP chair later this January. According to my recent poll, the GOP base has mixed feelings about her – the 3.5% who support her are mixed with the 96.5%(!) who do not. Now, if this was Arizona Ronna would be a shoe-in, but hopefully the 168 members of the Republican National Committee will not lead the party to ritual suicide. Here’s some gossip – committee members marked down as publicly supporting her are now privately saying they will abandon her on the secret ballot while others are ditching her publicly. Contact (politely) your three state committee members to share your views at www.HireHarmeet.com!

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