I was never bad. I was not good. Lukewarm. From the time early in life I felt God, I slowly slipped away into darkness. Fading off became easy when my preacher brother died of cancer. God’s fault. My life was about ME. The next girl, car, gun, toy will make ME truly happy. “Numb it all, with alcohol”, an old standby for lack of inner peace.
The meaning of life isn’t often pondered in youth.
I so wisely decided that if I treated others like I would have done to ME, how could a just God blame ME? If he exists. I rarely gave Him credit for the close calls. I spent little time seeking him. Years fly by.
“Life is like the breath of a buffalo that loses itself in the frosty morning sun”, as Chief Crowfoot put it so eloquently. Where did he get that thought? Try James 4:14.
God patiently waited for me to explore all avenues where I thought true happiness lived. But he was ALWAYS watching over and protecting ME.
And when thoroughly exhausted, mildly content, but not deeply happy inside, I decided it was time to seek him in earnest.
Romans 10:17
My arrogance before had told ME the Bible is full of contradictions. I read it, but did not truly hear. “Was blind, but now I see”.
A good teacher was a humbling requirement.
Slowly learning…
Purging lies to self.
The hidden habitats of humans. Forgiveness of self.
Learning Jesus sacrifice for us.
Sincerity, TRUTH, hope. Faith builds. The joy of doing for others, not self grows.
Me is becoming HIM. Peace and thankfulness from HIS blessings pour upon me like a daily cleansing shower of light.
The more time flows by. I realize this is not about this old pile of dust, which will return to dust again some day.
It’s all about the growing Word of God in a finally content sole, that wishes to serve it’s Father, forever.

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