RIP CHUCK NORRIS

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.