Wives and Girlfriends: Making or Breaking Training, by Vagabond

How many guys have come to one training group meeting and never came back due to negative pressure from home? How many have supportive spouses or significant others?
Amazing, isn’t it, that a primary motivation for involvement in training is to protect; protect self, family, community, state, nation; these are layers of protection for the layers you find valuable.
And of course it’s the tradition of what MEN do.
Equally amazing is how many SO’s f(significant others) resent, ridicule, or denigrate this very primal – and IMOP correct – urge. If you don’t, who will? Many budding sheep dog protectors’ ‘wives wouldn’t let them’ because the weekend was too much time away; the guys are only off playing army; the expense – any expense – is too great. Some of these same SO’s make it difficult for a guy to workout too. But the complaints eventually lead to unintended consequences when the sleek young gazelle she married turns into the hippo on the couch with no testosterone and less motivation. Then, if an emergency takes place, who does she look to for protection/ And who does she blame if it goes wrong?
Speculation is that much of the time two dynamics are actually taking place: one is simple control freakishness, a topic beyond this post. The other is denial, that: “Oh my, all that SHTF fan stuff could NEVER happen here, and that’s just SOOOO negative to think about anyway, so I won’t.’ Ergo, if you never think about bad things, bad things will never happen.
The funny thing is up to a point I’m fine with that because I don’t want to depress my spouse, but I do want her basically aware and ‘with the program.’
But if that’s true, why have a spare tire, or even wear a parachute when skydiving? Positive thinking should be all you need for a soft landing!
About the best options I’ve observed is when the SO simply doesn’t obstruct involvement. The better option is if she supports it with encouragement, even if she doesn’t train. And of course the best is if the SO acts as a true team mate – maybe not run and gun, but at least with common personal defense, perhaps with preps, planning, and maybe kicking your butt to attend or practice a skill, or push the beer and food aside if you said you would. Accountability in other words.
It’s been said that behind every successful man is the right woman; how true this often is. The trick is to get balance right, which can change with different stages in life as time demands of family and fatherhood morph this way and that.
All best in finding your particular balance.
 

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About the Author: NC Scout

NC Scout is the nom de guerre of a former Infantry Scout and Sergeant in one of the Army’s best Reconnaissance Units. He has combat tours in both Iraq and Afghanistan. He teaches a series of courses focusing on small unit skills rarely if ever taught anywhere else in the prepping and survival field, including his RTO Course which focuses on small unit communications. In his free time he is an avid hunter, bushcrafter, writer, long range shooter, prepper, amateur radio operator and Libertarian activist. He can be contacted at [email protected] or via his blog at brushbeater.wordpress.com .

33 Comments

  1. Madman_Actual April 15, 2021 at 05:08

    Honestly, if your significant other is able to tell you no or sway your opinion that much…you probably can’t protect them. That’s weak shit. You’re a man, act like it. If you’re offended or feel attacked, it’s because I’m correct. I say it with brotherly love.
    I’m not saying to go around thumping on your chest or even get aggressive. Just calmly say “I think this is important and this family needs me to train”. Or something to that degree. It is CRUCIAL that you have support. It’s already hard enough wargaming your demise, without someone giving you shit. Show them the FEMA recommendations, then show them how little that is and how bad things get with no power or water. My favorite saying is: Reality is real as fuck.

    • Badlands Rifleman April 15, 2021 at 10:04

      “Honestly, if your significant other is able to tell you no or sway your opinion that much…you probably can’t protect them. That’s weak shit. You’re a man, act like it. If you’re offended or feel attacked, it’s because I’m correct. I say it with brotherly love.”
      Fucking A Ray! You win the comment award madman!
      This is a subject very near and dear to me. I could start a completely different blog on this subject alone. As humans have evolved, men and women’s roles have evolved too, it’s all very symbiotic. In order to ensure they and their offsprings survival women want a man’s focus to be on them and are at a minimum suspicious if not jealous of anything that takes that attention off of them. I think that is part of where this need for control comes from. Deep down they are scared. Couple this with the programming from femitards that there should be no male bonding once a man and woman get together, and if the man continues to seek this male bonding it’s probably because he’s a repressed homosexual. There’s only a few acceptable methods for men to bond to these people, and they typically involve some sort of female oversight like a mommy setting up a play date.
      I think a man and his woman are supposed to support each other from beside each other. One isn’t in charge or more important than the other. That being said, as a man you should be firm in your purpose and resolute in pursuing it. She’ll support you if she loves you and you’re being genuine. My wife knows this is who I am, I can’t help it anymore than the deer in the fields.
      I don’t have to scare her with fears about the economy or anything, she knows these things already. She’s not interested in training with me, and that’s ok too. She’s a great mom and wife and that’s enough for me.
      If you want to train, then train! Don’t try to justify it with XYZ crisis or fear. Train because you want to improve, train because it makes you happy to train. Love training like an artist loves painting. I train to be a better version of myself than I was yesterday, if that happens to mean I’m a more capable man in the long run so be it. If you made it this far go read Jack Donovan’s “All They Have is Fear”

      • Vagabond April 15, 2021 at 16:16

        Interesting comments all, but one I hadn’t considered is the factor of female controlling behavior and the ‘don’t take your attention off me’ from the perspective of survival of ‘me and my offspring.’ But it certainly stands to reason. Thanks for the comments; different or expanded perspectives are the breath of life…….

    • Matt April 15, 2021 at 10:05

      One of the sayings that I like:
      You can ignore reality, but you cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.
      Matt

    • Chris April 15, 2021 at 14:42

      If your “SO” isn’t your wife, that’s part of the problem right there. Either she isn’t worth making the commitment for, or you aren’t mature enough to commit.

      • Patriotman April 15, 2021 at 15:43

        Yeah it isn’t that black and white 100% of the time….

        • Chris April 15, 2021 at 18:03

          Yes, you are correct. And just to be clear, I didn’t mean “wife” in the sense of approval of the state. I meant a commitment to each other, made openly before God and society.

          • Boat Guy April 15, 2021 at 18:43

            Great point Chris. Commitment to a true partnership is everything.
            Bride was ignorant of firearms but understood that I “came with them”. She refused to be ignorant/afraid of something in the home. I was smart enough NOT to try to “train” her but send her to Thunder Ranch. She was intimidated at first but plucky enough to pay attention and stick with it, fortunately there were two other women in the course. First hour of live fire, she turned to me at a break and said “This is really fun!” (Thank You, God). She wanted to take a class together and we did.
            She doesn’t “train” regularly but maintains her “quals” and now enjoys shooting for fun as well – though the range can’t be too hot/cold/buggy.
            She is enrolled in John Murphy’s “Street Encounters” class coming up, a class I took last year and most highly recommend.

    • Travis April 16, 2021 at 07:26

      You win the internet. Most true statement of the year.

  2. Madman_Actual April 15, 2021 at 05:17

    Awesome and very important topic, Scout.

  3. JT Hayes April 15, 2021 at 05:42

    Behind every successful man is a woman telling him he is doing it all wrong.

    • Vagabond April 15, 2021 at 16:25

      Ha! I’m working out the math for a theory; you marry the smartest person in the world – that’s part of why you marry them. Then starting about year 3 your IQ diminishes about 2-3 points per year in their estimation, until at some point you become the :What could YOU possibly know’ guy. Some husbands are in negative numbers already.
      I’m half-joking because many spouses still think they married pretty darn well, but it’s the ‘taken for granted’ thing, and maybe some power struggle stuff as well.
      But you are right, that is a whole other set of posts and topics. But relevant because the esteem and value a couple holds each othe in (and other members of the family) will define how successfully they cope with stress and how resilient they are.
      And ultimately how hard and resourcefully they will fight for each other.

  4. SOG April 15, 2021 at 07:09

    So true! it wasnt until the Riots last summer and covid that one of my buddies stopped getting questioned about gear,guns and ammo purchases and range time!
    Working on the training piece now!

  5. Wyogrunt April 15, 2021 at 08:01

    That support or lack thereof on the homefront is so important. I knew I had married the right woman, this time, when in a snow storm checking on calves she asked “hey wouldn’t that thermal stuff work and why don’t we have some”! Wyoming women are tough and pragmatic

  6. Mark A Laughlin April 15, 2021 at 08:12

    Much in common here with JR Nyquist’s latest.
    It is no accident that we now accept our own “effeminacy” and “loose principles” as a kind of “enlightenment.”
    https://jrnyquist.blog/2021/04/15/are-russia-and-china-igniting-a-third-world-war/

  7. Luke April 15, 2021 at 08:39

    So funny you should post this today NC. I’m not even married to my girl as she is going thru a separation. Got into to last night have known her for while mostly in high school. Then last summer we start talking and it was nice except for the fact she’s a liberal. Mostly in a classical sense but with several clown world ideals that can drive someone from the rational world crazy. She seemed to be coming around as i had left her alone in regards to what is happening around us. I think all the Covid shit was starting to get to her.
    Got into pretty good last evening. “Why a spare tire, why a parachute?” The power of positive thinking makes me chuckle. Idk it kind of hit me I can’t really win this in the long run. Is (getting ready to be former) teacher and leaving her whiny lefty hubby who is just full of the sensitive emotions all women crave until their primal instincts kick in. I warned her that up and quitting her govt job might be naive in this particular environment but the die has been cast. Don’t worry her spirit guides got this lol. And of course I was foolish for thinking so negatively, I mean what if nothing bad actually does happen? Then i have just wasted my time and hers.
    I have often said about the sheep/masses “They’re not going to get it, until they really fucking get it.” And I do mean right upside the head. Spending so much time with her has allowed me to see into their world. As most of you guys know they live in a delusional bubble. The media, pop culture, etc has such a tight grip on them there’s no breaking it. Believe me I have tried. Part of me feels guilty for knowing something is coming; some hardship be it physical or financial. Not even sure how bad I will feel when it does. I will most certainly be to blame for it. If for nothing else, being so damn negative. Thanks for letting me vent this morning Gents.

  8. Mike April 15, 2021 at 09:12

    God blessed me with an amazing wife who is not only on board with my preparedness mindset, she encourages me and even tagged along at the last Scout Course. She helps keep my enthusiasm in check occasionally (mainly with the budget), but wholly supports everything that I do. I probably wouldn’t be teaching classes right now if she wasn’t as supportive as she’s been, I got a real jewel of a wife.

  9. Anonymous April 15, 2021 at 09:16

    5

  10. James Carpenter aka "Felix" April 15, 2021 at 09:16

    Huge thanks for broaching this topic, NC.
    Everything I’ve done/bought/practiced in regards to preparedness has been met with disdain… and I could only theorize to myself as to “why?”. The thought that my wife’s attitudes were an ostrich-head-in-the-sand defensive mechanism always seemed to be best explanation. I called it the “if you don’t name the bad man, he’ll somehow pass you over” superstition.
    So. Maybe I’m not crazy, maybe even understood the “why”. And I’m not the only one who might have a good SO who is, in this way, less than perfect.
    Who knows… proceeding against the “headwinds” regardless might even mean we live long enough for an “I told you so” event to present itself. Have it, don’t need it will always trump need it don’t have it. Every time.

  11. Coyyote April 15, 2021 at 10:05

    Find the most athletic and best looking Tomboy around, make her your best friend and marry her. Worked great for me, but I have had to buy her a few horses, guns and dogs.

    • NC Scout April 15, 2021 at 11:08

      Worked for me too.

  12. Prof. Spartan April 15, 2021 at 10:32

    Ive witnessed an interesting dynamic w one of my neighbors. For months I have invited him to train in the self defense & workout group i host at my house. He always says, maybe in a few weeks, a few months…. When he drives by he sees the group hitting pads and lifting weights in the yard. I wave as a we run past during conditioning. Funny thing is, his wife approached me and said she wanted to learn self defense/striking skills after seeing us train and seeing me train my wife on the Thai Pads. I recently saw a video of a couple with a stroller walking through central park NY. A hoodrat begins attacking the couple, the guy runs away leaving his wife and the stroller. One of the worst examples of the modern male I’ve seen in a while.

    • 71M April 15, 2021 at 11:48

      Prof,
      Wish you were in my rural neighborhood!
      At an incident, I too observed nearest male turn and get in his car quickly. Leaving a female and toddler being assaulted. Can’t say if the two were strangers or not. When several other males moved rapidly towards the assaulting turd, the vermin scurried.
      Additionally sickening was the huge number of humans that chose to ignore the event and make haste. Mostly males. Well, guess they were males. Difficult to discern these days

  13. boss21 April 15, 2021 at 10:53

    ‘Empowered’ women are a doomsday weapon installed in the West at least since the Frankfurt school rats scurried over here. Men acting like men is the antidote. Simple as that. The gun buying frenzy of 2020 was the men doing what they wanted for a change along with normal women tooling up as well.

  14. 71M April 15, 2021 at 11:20

    “Wifey” asked last evening if her farm revolver has more speed loaders. If not, would I order four more and a case (1,000) of .38’s for practice in back pasture. Nice.
    Her Dad fought in N. Africa & Italy during WWII. He gave her a Remington pump 20ga when Wifey and I married.
    He hated Demorats then.
    She sees the decay in progress around us.
    Yes, I’m blessed

    • Mike April 15, 2021 at 12:23

      My wife wasn’t into guns before I met her, but she wasn’t that hard to convert. Her grandpa stormed Peleliu with 1st Marines in WWII, so thankfully he had some influence on her as well. She’s hand-stitching a leather cheek riser for her rifle right now. Man, I’m blessed too.
      Goes to show that it’s not just young boys who need strong male role models growing up.

  15. Paulo April 15, 2021 at 13:22

    Heh…. And if you and wife/significant other, are on the passenger seat while she is driving,
    and she happens to be acting like that old Goofy Cartoon in the car making a big deal of other drivers,
    then remind her that if shit hits the fan, the one that is going to get out and fight is the man :-)
    Which brings to mind – Only focus on what is Significant, and avoid stupid shit reactions.
    “Every man to his family and his possessions”

  16. Anonymous April 15, 2021 at 15:44

    4.5

  17. Joe April 16, 2021 at 10:21

    First off, I’m a big fucking asshole. If something needs to be done around the farm, my wife gets on one end of the task and I get on the other. We proceed at a pace that my wife can handle safely. But the notion of “She can’t or won’t” doesn’t exist. A trivial example, we needed to move a cast iron woodstove, a Lange ~300#, my Wife picked up her end and we took small steps with frequent rest periods. It got done. Acquaintances asked “How did you get her to help? My Wife would never do that.” Well, She lives here, right? She wants to be warm, right? And it needs to be done right the fuck now. If you set your expectations low, they never get any higher. We’re a family. We do for ourselves. Just like firearms and defense training. My wife has taken every, and I mean every, training course that I have. We are a TEAM. My actions protect Her and Her actions protect me. My Wife Loves me, even though I’m a BFA.

  18. Joe April 16, 2021 at 10:37

    Thanks for the reference to The Battle of Peleliu. It was a very interesting read.

  19. Phil April 17, 2021 at 10:11

    The fault lies entirely with the men.
    God tells us that the woman is the weaker vessel, but that we should treat them with honor. Far too many men want to bag the Victoria’s Secret model, not accepting that all things are not equal. You may get the off the charts looks, but off the charts crazy and control are the side saddles which accompany that narrow focus. Instead of looking for a help who is meet for them, men are too interested in the simply physically attractive front and rear views.

  20. […] been a lot of good discussion over at American Partisan and on the Brushbeater forum recently pertaining to groups, training, and the general frustration […]

  21. […] been a lot of good discussion over at American Partisan and on the Brushbeater forum recently pertaining to groups, training, and the general frustration […]

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