A Day in the Life of a Demon at the FBI Academy, by Scipio

See Part One for the premise.


The young demon found her/he/she/our/it/our/him- self on the front row of class perched on the head of agent Murphy. Another million or so fellow invisible demons crowded on the heads of other agents as well as some on agent’s laps, others clinging to the walls and light fixtures, or sitting on desks with their butts in agents faces. A tiny demon sat on the end of the FBI instructor’s laser pointer making it look like a glowing middle finger. Two FBI theologians were in the back of the class collecting data on how many demons you could fit into a room.  Class was in Room IB 666 of the FBI Academy.

The demon’s name was Screwtape Jr, son of it/her/they him/he/us/them legendary demon, “Screwtape.” Screwtape was the protagonist in CS Lewis’ book “The Screwtape Letters”. The book was in fact based on conversations Lewis overhead between a senior demon (Wormwood) and a junior demon (Screwtape). He wrote them down as a fictitious narrative so people would think they were being entertained when in fact, they were being schooled about this present darkness.

When class started, “Junior” buckled up her/she/he/it/our/they/her-self seatbelt when she/they/it/him/me/us noticed the tiny demonic smile tucked away in the corner of the mouth of an otherwise somber faced FBI instructor. The instructor eschewed any warmup and dived immediately into the mendacity of the moment.

We are talking about lies being taught; not evasive speech, prevarications, deflections, blame, squirming, petulant wranglings, or old Jedi tricks.  No, we are talking about bold face, without blinking, LIES.  The kind of emboldened lies clearly delineated between truth and lies.  Lies drawn so crisp and sharp they would cut you if you ran you finger over the printed version. Lies so slanted, so twisted, so in your face, so vile, that a palpable stench emanated from their expression.

Junior was awe struck, sat back, and realized they/you/them/it/she/his father, supposedly “The Father of Lies” would have to take a back seat to these dudes.  Class had begun!

On an ominous note, there was whispering going on among two demons in the back of the class.  It seemed they were intimating the FBI’s senior leadership, was in fact, rogue fallen angels themselves/itself/herself/himself/they/he/she/it who had been among the Devil’s own legions but who had clandestinely broken away and created his/it/us/they/her/him own evil demonic empire, the FBI (Forever Blaspheming Incarnation) in competition with The Devil.  Was there a Civil War brewing in Hell over who would deceive and destroy America first? Did the Fallen have further to fall? Was there an inverse of “higher up and further in”? Was there a level lower than Dante Alighieri’s ninth level of Hell?

Credit goes to C.S. Lewis for the idea of the protagonist, Frank Perreti for the description of “this present darkness”, and Alexander Solzhenitsyn for the modified title.

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About the Author: Patriotman

Patriotman currently ekes out a survivalist lifestyle in a suburban northeastern state as best as he can. He has varied experience in political science, public policy, biological sciences, and higher education. Proudly Catholic and an Eagle Scout, he has no military experience and thus offers a relatable perspective for the average suburban prepper who is preparing for troubled times on the horizon with less than ideal teams and in less than ideal locations. Brushbeater Store Page: http://bit.ly/BrushbeaterStore

2 Comments

  1. Marco's Disco Boots May 23, 2023 at 14:13

    The are screwy alright and the justifications for oppression and purging will be mental gymnastics that would make Mary Lou Retton dizzy.

  2. Grumpster May 23, 2023 at 19:05

    The demons have ben unleased, just as in our LORD’S days on earth, which leads me to believe His return is imminent. “Even so Lord Jesus, come quickly!”

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